Taboo From The Very Beginning

[Posted January 5, 2016]

INFERTILITY!!!!!

This word haunts me every day and I feel very vulnerable sharing it. A wise woman told me not to be quiet about it, share it, and know you’re not alone. But I figure I can wait until I make a baby announcement and then talk about how I struggled. Struggled with thoughts of feeling inadequate as a woman/wife because I am unable to conceive.

First reaction I get from folks are:
- Have you seen a doctor? Did they do blood work? Did you try fertility treatments?
- Have you tried acupuncture?
- Are you gluten intolerant?
- Have you thought about adoption?
- Have you thought about IVF or IUI?
- Don’t think about it and relax!
- You should try charting every single day!
- There’s this app, here’s this article, there’s this doctor, take this, take that, take a picture of your uterus, here’s a picture of mine….and on and on

To those who already knew this about me, thank you for the advice, prayers and encouraging words. I’m grateful by all of your expressions of love and advice.

To those who didn’t know, and are curious, I did in fact try 90% of those things. Anything less than $1,000 I have tried thus far. I’m not looking for extra tidbits of knowledge and what other tactics to do, in fact, I’m kind of over it.

This 2 year journey, 7 if we want to be technical with it, has illuminated my eyes in seeing how sovereign my God, Jesus the Christ, is. I have drawn closer to Him as a result of this and discovering strongholds in my life that has grown my marriage and spiritual relationship with the Lord. Every month I pray, “Lord, I’d rather be here in your perfect will than anywhere else; babies or no babies.” But it’s hard Y’ALL. However, my prayer life is stronger, strongholds have been broken and God still sits on His throne.

If I were to have a word for 2015 and one for 2016 it would be ‘Revelational’ and ‘Trust’. This year Daniel and I will put more of our trust in God and know that His path is always greater than our own. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

So there, I said it. I am struggling with infertility. People know, you know, it’s real now. #whew #tmiTuesday #myinfertilitystory #GodIsSovereign

Mine...His...Ours

I had a plan!

After the baby shower, I had plans of booking the maternity shoot, sign up for baby prep classes at the hospital, register at the hospital, use the gift cards to purchase the remaining baby items, set up the nursery, finish this blog.....Tiffany had it together y'all. 

However, God had His own plans. My plans were cute up until the baby shower and the Lord said, "My turn!"

It was a crisp beautiful Wednesday morning as I went in for my regular check up and, long story short, I'm admitted to the hospital for a somewhat common, yet severe, pregnancy complication called preeclampsia. My blood pressures were in the stroke/seizure range and I had no external symptoms that would have me consider going to the hospital. 

Because of the ongoing pain of fibroids and gestational diabetes, I was right where I needed to be. I was admitted to the hospital March 1 and the hospital took excellent care of me. My job was so very gracious with me and my family provided unlimited support, especially Mr. Stephens (love you lovah).

On March 20, I was induced for labor and ended up having to get a c-section due to complications of being induced. At 11:24 pm, our hoped for child, Marlise Jenelle Stephens arrived: 

An excerpt from my journal during my time at the hospital reads:

"My hopes and expectations can no longer be put over what He wants. God has a significant plan for her [Marlise's] life and I CAN NOT force mine on her. ...I will love her, fight for her and surrender her to her heavenly Father's will beyond what "plan" I ever had for her."

During my 20 day stint at the hospital, the Lord showed me that the "plans" that I had for Marlise are always best served when surrendered to Him. From my infertility journey to her early arrival, all the plans I had in between turned completely upside down for a testimony of encouragement to myself and to share with the world. 

I believe this experience is a precursor of what's to come in all aspects of my life. I believe that if I just let go and let God His plan will supersede mine in every perfect way possible.

Thank you all again for your prayers and support. Marlise is in the NICU and would appreciate more of them. She is doing very well and is taken well care of. We are excited to bring her home (when the Lord allows ☺).

I still plan on posting the remaining entries I had for this blog, consider this one an intermission.